Paul Harvey’s If I Were the Devil

    82149681 Interesting how something old becomes new again. Although beloved columnist and radio personality Paul Harvey died in 2009, his message remains. Take, for instance, the oldest circulating version of his famous piece, “If I Were the Devil.” Printed in his 1964 newspaper column, it remains valid 50 years later. 

    Juxtaposed against the negativity we face in America today is the great message: Jesus came to save the lost. His birth, which we celebrate this month, gives hope to a new year, and we can rest assured that the Devil will ultimately be defeated. God bless our nation and may our efforts as Christians reach the lost and struggling worldwide. 


If I Were the Devil 
by Paul Harvey

If I were the Prince of Darkness I would want to engulf the whole earth in darkness. 

I’d have a third of its real estate and four-fifths of its population, but I would not be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree. 

So I should set about however necessary, to take over the United States. 

I would begin with a campaign of whispers. 

With the wisdom of a serpent, I would whispers to you as I whispered to Eve, “Do as you please.” 

To the young I would whisper “The Bible is a myth.” I would convince them that “man created God,” instead of the other way around. I would confide that “what is bad is good and what is good is square.” 

In the ears of the young married I would whisper that work is debasing, that cocktail parties are good for you. I would caution them not to be “extreme” in religion, in patriotism, in moral conduct. 

And the old I would teach to pray — to say after me — “Our father which are in Washington.” 

Then I’d get organized. 

I’d educate authors in how to make lurid literature exciting so that anything else would appear dull, uninteresting. 

I’d threaten TV with dirtier movies, and vice-versa. 

I’d infiltrate unions and urge more loafing, less work. Idle hands usually work for me. 

I’d peddle narcotics to whom I could, I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction, I’d tranquilize the rest with pills. 

If I were the Devil, I would encourage schools to refine young intellects, but neglect to discipline emotions; let those run wild. 




I’d designate an atheist to front for me before the highest courts and I’d get preachers to say, “She’s right.” 

With flattery and promises of power I would get the courts to vote against God and in favor of pornography. 

Thus I would evict God from the courthouse, then from the schoolhouse, then from the Houses of Congress. 

Then in his own churches I’d substitute psychology for religion and deify science. 

If I were Satan I’d make the symbol of Easter an egg 

And the symbol of Christmas a bottle. 

If I were the Devil I’d take from those who have and give to those who wanted until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious. Then my police state would force everybody back to work. 

Then I would separate families, putting children in uniform, women in coal mines and objectors in slave-labor camps. 

If I were Satan I’d just keep doing what I’m doing and the whole world go to hell as sure as the Devil. 


Bill Kneer is the founder of the Patriot Statesman (, 0593 precinct chair, a member of the Harris County Republican Party Vacancy Committee, and owner of Bill Kneer Marketing and Business Development ( He and his family attend Woodland Trails Baptist Church. Connect with him at 

Staff Writer
Staff Writer

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